Welcome to our family blog!

This blog was started in October 2010 shortly before our daughter, Abigail Grace, was born. She was diagnosed at our 18 week ultrasound with Holoprosencephaly (HPE), and we were preparing for a child with very complex medical needs and a shortened life expectancy. Abby was born on November 12th and sadly passed away just four days later. This blog follows me, Matt and Abby’s big brother, Connor, along our journey from preparing for Abby’s birth through our adjustment to life without her.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"Well, she's a pretty big baby..."

I had an OB appointment today, and guess what?  Physically speaking, I am absolutely no closer to giving birth than I was a week ago!  When I commented that my stomach feels significantly larger than it was with Connor, my doctor’s reply was, “Well, she is a pretty big baby”.  I suppose this is when I’m supposed to be grateful that we’re having a c-section…

The waiting and anticipation is getting hard.  I was so busy with my own life before Connor was born, that I was shocked when he was almost 2 weeks early.  My mother and I had planned to go “hospital shopping” the next morning, and my bag wasn’t even packed when my water broke.  This time around it feels like I’ve been pregnant forever, just waiting to go into early labor.  I’ve had more than twice as many appointments, and my bag has sat packed for two weeks now.  I don’t know why people love to say things like “Wow, this pregnancy just flew by.”  People always say that, as if they are involved somehow!  My replies are generally to the effect of, “Really? As the one who is pregnant, I couldn’t disagree with you more.”

Sorry to sound so whiny, but this pregnancy has been so long and tiring.  Really tiring.  And I've looked pregnant almost from the get-go, so it wasn't a secret for very long.  More significantly, it’s been a different experience, not having the same expectations and things to look forward to at birth.  That’s not to say we don’t have things to look forward to- that’s not what I mean at all.  Just that we’ve gone through a lot of mixed feelings about what’s to come and there's a certain amount of anxiety that accompanies all this.  We’re really excited to meet our Abby and welcome her to our family and fall head over heels in love with her.  At the same time we’re not in denial of the reality that accompanies her condition.  Those possibilities can weigh heavily at times.  It’s a weird place to be, knowing the depressing statistics and at the same time having an immeasurable amount of HoPE for what she may be capable of.  Thankfully, we’re far more HoPEful than anything at this point J