The Last Loose End

We've been waiting for Abby's headstone to be installed, and it finally has been!  It took a while for us to decide what we wanted on the stone, as it is our family stone, and it's just a really weird thing to think about at 29 years old.  We were very fortunate that my grandparents already own a large section of plots at the cemetery near our house and gifted a plot to us.  Because Abby is such a peanut, there's still room for me and Matt.  I find some comfort in the fact that Connor will never have to make these decisions when we die.

I love Connor's reflection in the stone

Babylost Mother's Day

When I was having Abby's Name in the Sand done, I learned about International Babylost Mother's Day.  There's a group in Australia who celebrate it in a really meaningful way, and I've found a good number of people here in the United States who acknowledge it too.  It is a celebration of Mothers who have lost a child during or after pregnancy.  

I have several friends and family members that I know of who have lost babies, most to miscarriage and one to stillbirth.  I really don't think most people have an understanding of the magnitude of this kind of loss unless they have a personal experience.  I know I didn't until I lost Abby.  Abby was born, was alive for four days, so people are wonderful and acknowledge her as part of our family.  People barely acknowledge a miscarriage after it's happened, probably because a child that they never knew doesn't really affect them.  But their mothers and fathers have been affected; they knew them.

Everyone in my circle who has shared their loss with me has been lucky enough to have other children (either before or after the experience).  But that doesn't make up for their loss.   Other children certainly bring joy where there might not have been otherwise, but they don't erase the memory or heartache.

Next week people who don't know me may see me with Connor and wish me a happy Mother's Day, but what for the mothers who's children cannot be seen?  They are mothers too, but will anyone acknowledge them?  I'm posting the Babylost symbol as my profile picture on Facebook from today, Babylost Mother's Day, until next week on the traditional Mother's Day in rememberance of all the babies who have been lost to my family and friends.  Even if no one has met your child, even if you were only pregnant for a month or two, you are still that baby's mother.  Today and on Mother's Day, when you're thinking of the child you lost, I'll be thinking of you.

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