Welcome to our family blog!

This blog was started in October 2010 shortly before our daughter, Abigail Grace, was born. She was diagnosed at our 18 week ultrasound with Holoprosencephaly (HPE), and we were preparing for a child with very complex medical needs and a shortened life expectancy. Abby was born on November 12th and sadly passed away just four days later. This blog follows me, Matt and Abby’s big brother, Connor, along our journey from preparing for Abby’s birth through our adjustment to life without her.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Finding Comfort

A few days ago I posted on Facebook that "it melts my heart to see Connor take one of Abby's blankets to bed with him".  As I expected, everyone thought it was about as sweet as I did.  I should mention the reason he had that particular blanket.  About two hours prior to bed, Connor informed me that he was very angry and going to break all of Abby's things; I thought that blanket seemed the most durable of those she'd received.  So, I let him thrash it around the room a few times until that got boring to him and he left it on the floor. That night before going into his room, he walked into Abby's, picked up the blanket, gave me a look, and said "I'm keeping this" as he climbed into his bed.

This is pretty representative of the struggle we're having these days.  We haven't started any formal sibling grief program, but it's next on the list of things to do.  Over all Connor is doing well; he's done fine in school and kept to a regular schedule.  He recognizes that he's upset and uses words like "sad" and "frustrated" to express himself, and we're all sad and frustrated, so he fits in quite well.  Like another HoPE family mentioned, it's not unusual to hold onto the material things that connect us to our children.  Right after we came home I held onto the outfit Abby wore in the hospital for a few days, just until it didn't smell like her anymore.  I probably looked silly, but sleeping with it was comforting.  This seems to bring some bit of comfort to Connor.  And seeing Connor cuddling with one of Abby's blankets bring a bit of comfort to me too.

Connor, sleeping with Abby's blanket from Threads of Love

3 comments:

  1. BeckieDecember 7, 2010 at 3:54 PM

    I think Connor sleeping with Abby's blanket is a beautiful, sweet thing. Sometimes I forget, with all the sadness of losing Abby, that you have to stay strong for Connor and help him grieve too. The strength that you and Matt have truly amazes me. You are such great parents and the unconditional love that you show him and Abby some people could learn alot from. xoxox Thinking of you every day.

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  2. AndreaDecember 7, 2010 at 11:57 PM

    That is the sweetest thing. I am glad that he will be getting some help dealing with the grief. You are such wonderful people for loving the sweetest little kids that you have. Abby couldn't have asked for a better family to belong too. Keeping you family in my prayers.

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  3. Liz McDonaldDecember 8, 2010 at 8:36 AM

    Donna, when I sent you a gift I was trying to find a book for Connor explaining heaven and grief but I didn't see anything that I felt was appropriate for a four year old. Then I thought that you should consider writing a children's book about losing a sibling for Connor and all of the other children out there, in Abby's memory. I lost an 11 year old student this year after an 18 month battle with lymphoma. He left three siblings. You have such a gift for writing and I truly feel that noone could convey this loss as eloquently as you! Even if you make a book on Shutterfly or Snapfish just for Connor filled with your family photos. I am sure he would treasure this forever. We are praying for you every day! Love, Liz

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